New/ Future

Its been a while, reader(s). I've been stressed out lately, and growing up. And it's not the most fun thing in the world.

But my b-day is coming up soon. And that should be exciting. I expect to see everyone I've been missing lately. And throw a party with them.


The Future

Let's go back in time:

To a time when there was no greed,
When men and women would plant the seed
That would grow and meet their need to feed.

A time without a president,
And before we set a precedent
To beat our neighbor, who went
Down to the river for life,
And who had no intention of strife
With the men who stole his seed and wife,
For he did not know that it was he
Who had been made a cuckold, and she
has fallen away from what her god expects her to be.

Yes, let's go back to a land of farm,
Where mothers cook the leg and arm
of a fresh caught meal, with no need for alarm.
For all is fair in this land of love
Where man's the same as dog and dove.
Where they've abolished all need to push or shove.

If we could just go back in time,
Long before I wrote this rhyme,
And long before we understood time,
Much before we invented rhyme,
We would find my answer to my question:

Would we be happy?

#36

It's around me. It's in me. The subtle sounds of clean guitar are in my ears, and taking over my world. I am lost in time. Nothing is there.

I feel as though time has stopped.

I am nobody.

You are nobody.

We are nothing.

Worldly Things

Oh what has my world come to?

• Girly music?
• Loneliness?
• Tight pants?

Oh wait, that's what my world was before.

But, then, what feels so different? Is it the change in the seasons?

Maybe.

Lately I've been feeling inadequate. But I guess that's not really a new feeling. I just need to keep telling myself not to let my self consciousness get the best of me, like it undoubtedly will. But I'll probably be okay. I just need to get this college shit out of the way. It's proven to be much more stressful than I'd ever like to admit.

I think I'll just write a song about everything I've been feeling lately. It'd be more productive than writing a blog.

Love

My social anxiety got the best of me last night. And I pent the majority of the night standing in the middle of a room/field with my mouth open, too inebriated to watch around me.

But everyone was whispering, and not with me.
And everybody was laughing, but not with me.
Everything was happening, but I wasn't there.

And I came to realize that all the issues I thought I had were really there.

I cover it up with a cocky attitude, and brush it under my carpet. But I can't hide what I'm feeling anymore.

I am lonely, and its a feeling that will never go away. I am sad, and for no given reason. Other than I make myself lonely, I make myself sad. I wouldn't be happy if I wasn't depressed.

I make all of my problems for myself.

But I've had enough of that. I'm through being my own worst enemy, and I'm especially through being lonely.

I'm ready to love.

Highs and Lows

I had a fucking ridiculous weekend. But the highlight was drunkenly making a fool out of myself in public. Because there was no way I wasn't drunk.

The worst part was getting a forty dollar bottle of Beefeater gin taken from me by a concerned mom who had no intent on giving it back.

But you know. Its the typical lows and highs of life.

All I want to know is, why throw a party knowing full well that your mom is there and she will be a cunt?

Look At Me

I am at a party right now. Its pretty lame. But actually. It's alright. But only one of us is drunk.

But actually two people. But one doesn't count. Because it's Richard.

My friend Emily wants to write this for me. But she is a little too illiterate to write.

Considering I am the most debonaire person at this party, it is clear that I am the only one blogging. I am in the future. You are not.

Wishful Rest

I keep signing on to Blogger, reading other peoples posts, and tell myself that I am going to post the next day. I'm always too tired to post again.

I've been waking up 6 hours before I'm used to, mentally stimulating myself at school for eight hours, running for 3-4 miles, and working for four hours everyday. I'm too tired.

But I wake up the next day. And I'm willing to do it again.

I guess my days have just been fulfilling lately. Over the summer I'd wake up at noon and sit around all day, even if I was somewhere that isn't my home. It was the same thing everyday. And it's not like I was helping anybody, learning anything, or exercising. I wasn't helping myself.

When I crawl into bed nowadays, I feel like I really deserve the nights rest I'm about to get. That I deserve the sweet thing that happen to me in my dreams.

And sweet things have been happening. I realized that the things I idealize aren't too far out of my reach. (But don't be fooled, they are out of my reach. For now.) And I feel something good coming my way this school year. Maybe this October.

October is, as they say, the best month for love.